Can we, as parents, let go of the “should”?

Do you ever notice how often we compare ourselves to other parents? Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Is it even possible not to compare unless we completely isolate ourselves? (And that’s not good for anyone.)

We compare everything — parenting styles, sleep patterns, routines, milestones, behaviour, screen time, activities, successes, challenges. The list goes on.  It’s not that we want to judge other parents. More often, we use those comparisons to judge ourselves.

And while we’re being honest, we are often our own harshest critics. I constantly hear parents say:

• “I should be doing it differently, but…”

• “I know I shouldn’t…”

• “The recommendations say not to, but…”

• “It’s my first baby, so…”

• “I know my baby should be doing this by now…”

• Sometimes, I even hear parents begin with, “I know I’m a bad mom/dad and I should…”

That word — should — carries SO much weight. And it starts early: “I know I should sleep when my baby sleeps, but…”

As our children grow, the “shoulds” simply change shape. They show up in decisions about daycare (or not), language choices at home, schooling options, extracurricular activities, screen use, or simply doing things differently from the “norm.”

On top of that, we often receive unsolicited advice from people who feel compelled to tell us how we should be doing things. ☹

So we defend ourselves. We explain. We justify.

But when I hear a parent say, “I should…” what I really hear is: “I am trying really hard. I am doing my best. This is what works for my family. It may not look like what everyone else is doing — but it works for us.”

And that matters. It is okay to be different. It is okay to carve your own path. It is okay to choose what works for you, your child, and your family.

I truly believe we need to hear this more often — especially today. In 2026, with the constant influence of social media and endless access to information, opinions and images, it’s no wonder parents feel overwhelmed. Sometimes it feels like we second-guess ourselves all the time.

There was a time before the internet when parents had less outside noise. Perhaps they trusted themselves a little more. Today, the world is different. We can’t change that — but we can choose how we respond to it.

We can adapt. We can quiet the noise. We can trust ourselves.

In case no one has told you lately:

• You are the parent your child needs.
• You are in the best position to understand and support your child.

We are often so self-critical. What if we practiced being self-positive instead? It’s more than okay to speak kindly to yourself. Try saying:

• “I am a great mom/dad.”

• “I try really hard to be a good parent.”

• “I give so much of myself to my family.”

• “I am proud of myself.”

• “Look at my beautiful child — I helped shape this human.”

Does any of this resonate with you? If so, we invite you to join us at Parents and Petits on Friday, March 13, for our special session: Parental Pressure in 2026.

We are honoured to welcome Julie-Andrée Descoeurs as our guest speaker. She is an experienced social worker who has worked directly with families for many years. She is also an instructor at Cégep de Sainte-Foy, a mother of four, and a dear friend. 😊

We hope you can join us.

Jessica