My birthday falls in August, and every year as I get older, I feel that I understand and trust myself more. I don’t know about you, but as I age, I feel that I am much more in tune with things like: what energizes me, what drains me, what makes me smile, and which people I choose to spend my free time with. I suspect that having children inadvertently helps us prioritize. Because our time is very limited, we tend to cherish the free time that we have. I also find that I tend to appreciate the smaller things more, like the occasions I get to enjoy a cup of coffee in peace and that is still warm , or a few minutes to myself to indulge in a good book.
Identity change
I still remember the first time that I referred to myself as a mother and a parent. It felt very strange and an almost unnatural label at first, but over time, it became a part of me. Becoming a parent for many of us involves a kind of identity change. As parents, we tend to refer to ourselves more often as “we” rather than “I” since we usually have little ones trailing along with us.
The first year of parenting is very intense, as I’m sure you know. During that time, I mourned aspects of my old life and what things were like before having a child. Can you relate? Things like the rhythm of my life, my schedule, independence, flexibility, sleep, free time and uninterrupted conversations. Not to mention the loss of my body (not literally, but rather how it had changed) and also how I was no longer the only one who seemed to have ownership over it. There was always someone attached to me, pulling on me, needing to be carried or joining me in every bathroom visit. I can’t pinpoint the exact point when I stopped mourning my life before children, but I gradually became accustomed to the way my life has evolved, and now I embrace it.
Remember who you are
“Remember who you are” is something that my father used to always say to me and my siblings growing up. Now, when I reflect on it, I can see that it meant something different to me as a teenager and young adult than it does to me today as a parent. When I was younger and heading out with friends on the town, my father would always say, “Remember who you are” as I was leaving the house. At the time, I interpreted it as: remember your values, stay out of trouble and make wise judgements and decisions. Now, as a parent, I interpret “remember who you are” differently. I see it as: remember your identity and fill your bucket with things that energize you. In other words, remember what makes you feel alive.
Raising little human beings is magical and life-changing, but it is also hard work. As parents, we often tend to doubt ourselves or self-criticize, especially in the early days. The good news is that we do grow and mature as parents. We build more confidence in ourselves and learn to trust ourselves. If you are not there yet, not to worry, your time will come when you feel more self-assured in your role. Just keep believing in yourself and remember that in your little one’s eyes, you can do no wrong and are the most amazing person in the world. ❤ Also, every day, they will grow a little more and need you just a little bit less.
Pause to celebrate you
My birthday has reminded me how important it is that we pause to celebrate ourselves in little ways. It can be on our birthdays or any day of the year, and it can be in big or small ways. What is important is to remember what makes us feel good personally, what makes us light up, and to make time, somehow, to allow ourselves these small moments of happiness.
I wish you all a wonderful August and a restful summer.
Jessica